I hope one day you are at peace with yourself. I hope you can take a shower without crying and you can close your eyes without thinking about your funeral. I hope one day you start singing in the shower again and are happy for no reason. I hope you get better because you really deserve to.
The only connection you should have with the sin in your past is the testimony of how God delivered you from it. Your past is not your future. You are not defined by who you once were, but by who you are becoming in Christ.